


To Dance Again

by DesertVixen



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M, Reminiscing, fits in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7380340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertVixen/pseuds/DesertVixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alys Vorpatril loves to dance...</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Dance Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/gifts).



She loved to dance. 

Alys loved everything about it – the swirling of heavy skirts, the formal intricate moves that her mother insisted she memorize, the need to remember exactly where she was in the formation, the music. She could still remember her first dancing lessons, with the same dancing master who had taught her mother. It had been exhilarating, as exciting as wearing her first fancy gown or the first time her mother had allowed her to preside over tea during morning calling hours.

She had learned to ride, of course, but only along park paths at a sedate pace. Her father was a Count’s second son, one who loved the city and all it had to offer. There had been no need for her to learn country ways, such as riding and archery. Dancing was the only form of exercise deemed suitable for a city Vor lady. 

More than that, dancing was a necessary social skill for a Vor lady to have, as much as any of the other skills outlined in the etiquette books she had loved to pore over, loved to imagine herself as one of the characters.

*** 

They had shared a love of dancing – the elegant young Vor bud and the dashing Vor lord with ties to the throne. Lord Padma Xav Vorpatril had swept her off her feet, figuratively speaking, the first time they had danced. Alys could still remember his charming smile and dashing ways. It had come as a relief when she had been summoned to her father’s study to discover that it was Padma – Lord Vorpatril, to be correct – who had asked for her hand in marriage.

Of course her father had accepted, Alys recalled. He might have been a second son, but he was not without ambition. Lord Vorpatril had been a worthy match – wealthy and well-connected, with an inherited title without the baggage of a Count. His connection to the Vorbarras might have worried some, but her father had no fear with Ezar Vorbarra on the throne.

Maybe she had not loved him when her father had accepted his offer of marriage, but Padma had been easy to fall in love with.

Perhaps she had fallen for him when they waltzed at their wedding, when the skirts of her silky white gown had swirled about his parade red-and-blues, when his hand had finally been permitted to clap her waist and he had truly swept her off the ground, twirling her about in an embrace that had some of the more proper Vor matrons clucking in disapproval. But when he had set her down and smiled at her, Alys had known she had nothing to fear on her wedding night. It had certainly been more enjoyable than her mother’s stilted talk had implied.

She had not known then, of course, what her life would bring her. There had been no reason to anticipate the Pretendership, and all that come with it. When it had ended, she had been a widow with a babe in arms, a son who would never know the father he so resembled.

On Barrayar, widows did not dance. They might attend social functions where dancing occurred, but they never danced. It was a crushing blow to the beautiful young widow, but Alys knew she was not the only one who had lost her partner.

Sometimes, in her dreams, Padma survived. And they would dance…until she woke again to harsh reality.

*** 

Lady Alys studied Captain Illyan, who seemed slightly nervous. She could not imagine what had brought the Chief of ImpSec to her door.

“The Regent thinks I should be able to dance at social events, in case I need to blend in. He suggested that I speak to you.”

Somehow, she couldn’t imagine Simon Illyan blending in. It was true that he generally occupied the fringe of social events, but somehow she always knew he was there. He was different from the men she had been used to growing up, a prole who made good by volunteering for a dangerous experiment that had somehow worked, against all rational odds. She could still remember him apologizing to her for his inability to get her and Padma to safety.

People might think that Simon Illyan was all cold duty, but she felt privileged to be one of the few who knew the man himself – as much as he would let anyone know him. And now, he needed something from her. How could she refuse?

“I can certainly teach you how to dance, Captain Illyan.”

After that, they met twice a week, so that the stiff ImpSec captain could learn the graceful art of dancing from one of the highest ladies in the land. It had been so long since Alys had danced – seven years since the last time she had danced with Padma, seven years since he had been shot down before her very eyes – and she had been a little stiff herself. 

She was almost sorry when he was a proficient dancer, and the lessons were no longer needed. Barrayaran society was becoming a bit less strait-laced under the influence of the Regent and his Betan-born wife, but widows who danced in public were still frowned upon. In her current role, Alys could ill afford social censure.

If she was honest with herself, she would simply miss dancing with Simon Illyan.

*** 

They didn’t dance again for over five years, until Lady Alys was helping Gregor polish his dancing skills. She had arranged for a group of young nobles in his age group to form a dancing class together, which had led to the current rage for morning dances. Simon Illyan, of course, had ensured that all the dancers were properly vetted, and that ImpSec men were discreetly watching.

Gregor had asked for extra practice, however, to ensure that he made no mistakes at his first state ball, a request Alys could hardly refuse. Their young Emperor worked on his social skills as hard as any other skill set, and she had to admit that she appreciated the attention he gave to her lessons. 

So they danced under Simon Illyan’s watchful eye. Gregor had his own armsmen, of course, but Simon left nothing to chance.

When they were done, Alys somehow found herself alone with Simon.

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself,” he said.

Alys fanned herself. “I was. It’s been some time since I had an excuse to dance.”

“I have noticed that you never dance at functions,” Simon replied in his quiet way.

She gestured down at her outfit – it might have been cut in the most current style, but it was still the dove gray that Barrayar decreed its widows should wear. “Widows aren’t permitted to dance in public,” she reminded him.

“Then perhaps you might dance with me here? To help me keep my skills sharp, of course.”

Alys smiled at him. “I would be delighted.”

*** 

It had been so long since she had worn colors that Alys had expected there would be some sort of reaction. Now that Ivan was no longer a minor, old enough to be a cadet in the Imperial Service, she had deemed it time to shed her widow’s gray, replacing it for the occasion with a stylish evening gown of Vorpatril blue and gold. 

Yet it seemed that no one noticed, other than a few women who commented on how good she looked in the dark blue. And the man in dress greens who noticed and remembered everything, of course.

“Colors become you, Lady Vorpatril,” Captain Simon Illyan told her. “Perhaps you would honor me with a dance? Just to ensure my skills aren’t slipping from lack of practice.”

“I would be delighted, Captain Illyan,” she said.

They took the floor for one of the old-fashioned waltzes that was coming back into fashion, rather than one of the group dances. Simon kept to the prescribed distance, with a bit of stiff formality that almost made her wish he would bend a little. 

She had to admit how much she had missed this – not just dancing, but dancing with Simon Illyan.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Your request said that you were okay with only including at least one of the characters, and I sort of gravitated to Alys. There's nothing in here that directly contradicts canon, and I'd like to think it could have happened this way.


End file.
